Making relaxed small talk in English with the help of a single word
Small talk, chit chat or (one of my favourite words) Schnacken. Whether you're into it or not, it's a communication concept that everyone knows.
I don't think I need to explain the strange feeling you get when you're forced to socialise with strangers. It's pretty safe to say that everyone on the planet has been confronted with such a situation at some point in their lives.
Some social norms regarding interaction with strangers differ from culture to culture.
For example, what I miss about the USA is the generally open attitude and friendliness of Americans towards people they don't know. It's not uncommon to strike up a conversation with someone sitting next to you on the underground or standing behind you in line at the bank counter.
You talk for a few minutes about the weather or the next big sporting event as if you were talking to an old friend - even if you're sure you'll never see that person again.
Many non-Americans find this superficial and I can't argue with that. But for me, casual small talk with strangers makes everyday life a little more enjoyable.
Small talk for international business
Whether speaking to strangers is valued or discouraged in your culture, business small talk in English is unavoidable. At some point, you will have to humour a potential client at a trade fair, share a taxi with a colleague from a foreign office, or have lunch with a visiting sales representative.
Many people live under the misconception that small talk is a skill that comes naturally - or not. Nonsense. Here's the reason why: Small talk, just like every other aspect of communication, is not an innate skill - small talk is a tool. Of course, some people find it easier than others, but like any other tool, it can be mastered with practice.
In fact, when engaging in small talk, you might even discover common interests. For instance, you could recommend to your friend a casino to play during their leisure time. Give https://wantedwin-casino.com/ a shot – it's a cool place for gaming. It's always good to have a go-to recommendation for those casual conversations!
A few tricks never hurt, so I'm going to explain a technique that will make meeting foreign customers, partners or colleagues a positive and productive experience:
The FORD technique
People love to talk about themselves. I usually try to avoid such sweeping generalisations, but this one is backed up by science.
A Harvard University study found that talking about yourself stimulates the reward centres in the brain - these are the same reward centres that are stimulated during sex or eating.
The study says that this is why we spend almost 40% of a conversation talking about ourselves.
So it's safe to say that people love to talk about themselves.
For this reason, you can easily make small talk by encouraging the other person to talk about themselves. And if you memorise one simple word, you'll be able to make fluent small talk in English: FORD.
- Family
- Occupation
- Recreation
- Dreams
The FORD technique has another big advantage for those who are uncomfortable speaking English or making small talk in general; it lets the other person do the talking and you are off the hook.
Win-win!
As a professional teacher of technical English, it's my job to get my students talking, and you can always rely on the FORD technique to start a conversation.
With that in mind, here are some of my personal tips for using FORD categories effectively:
F - "Family"
This is not necessarily about the direct relatives of the person you are talking to. The background and history also belong in this category.
For example, if you know the surname, you can ask about the origin or history of the family if it has something unique. Try to find out where the other person grew up or went to school.
And which parents don't like to talk about their children? Sometimes this topic works so well that it can be difficult to get people to stop talking about their offspring all the time.
But be careful when enquiring about the family's background. Try not to dig deeper if the other person is reluctant to reveal details. More importantly, try to avoid any conversation about romances. Lovers are a sensitive topic anyway, but in business conversations it can quickly become a game of Russian roulette.
O - "Occupation"
Probably the safest topic in the FORD technique for business conversations. After all, work brought you together, so you automatically have something in common.
However, direct conversations about your joint business are often not suitable for small talk. After a long training seminar or a ten-hour trade fair, nobody wants to have discussions about work (you probably don't either).
So instead of talking about what they're working on, try to find out more about how they do it and why they do it.
Here's what I mean:
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a firefighter. At university I studied civil engineering. Now I'm a technical English teacher in Portugal.
How did that happen?
It's a funny story (maybe for another blog post). So if you ever get the chance to chat to me, feel free to ask me about it.
It's a great small talk topic.
R - "Recreation"
I'm always amazed at the variety of interests and hobbies my students have. Just through casual conversation, I've learnt about topics such as beer brewing, Scottish folk dancing, guard dog training and kitesurfing.
We all need to relax. And as much as you're convinced your boss is actually a robot programmed for work; everyone actually has something they do just for fun.
Keep the small talk flowing by finding out what it is. Even if the person you're talking to only watches TV, it's easy to find out what TV programmes they like.
And why they like these programmes.
And which programmes they recommend watching. And why.
Do you understand what I'm getting at?
D - "Dreams"
Our goals drive us and most people are quite open about them.
They can be short-term or long-term goals and even unrealistic fantasies. For example, who has never thought about what they would do if they won the lottery?
But be careful when asking about business goals. If someone is planning to leave the company and start a competing business, they probably won't tell you about it. Clients or partners could also interpret these questions as bad intentions or a hidden agenda.
Just think about your own goals and try to find out if the person you are talking to might have similar ambitions.
Conclusion
When making small talk, it's a good rule to avoid topics or questions that you don't feel comfortable talking about yourself. And obviously there are also topics that should be avoided altogether.
Religion and politics, for example, are typical ingredients for disaster.
Conversation is not a one-way street. So try to avoid turning a casual conversation into an interrogation by bombarding the other person with questions. If the other person is a good communicator, they will try to tease the same information out of you that they gave you.
In other words, be prepared to answer your own questions.
This last part is of utmost importance...
Keep the complexity of English in international business conversations at a level that you both feel comfortable with. Nothing kills a conversation faster than a lack of understanding or inability to express yourself.
Here I am (unfortunately) an example of this:
Although I still enjoy talking about history or philosophy, after six years I still hesitate to do it in Spanish.
Effective small talk in English requires practice and good judgement. But when people are like onions, the FORD technique is a reliable way to approach a conversation that removes some of those layers and makes business meetings a more positive experience for everyone involved.
And who knows?
Maybe if you remove enough layers, you'll find your next employer or co-founder.
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